Between the shadows and the soul
by ari-g
Summary: It was supposed to be the perfect ending. The happily ever after that all in their strange group of friends have been waiting for. But the princess of this particular fairy tale was not following the scrip. E/K one-shot. Now with an alternative ending!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing

_Between the shadows and the soul_

_Soneto XVII_

_No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio_

_o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:_

_te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,_

_secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma._

_Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva_

_dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,_

_y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo_

_el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra._

_Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,_

_te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:_

_así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,_

_sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,_

_tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,_

_tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño._

_Pablo Neruda_

_Sonnet XVII_

_I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,_

_or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off._

_I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,_

_in secret, between the shadow and the soul._

_I love you as the plant that never blooms_

_but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;_

_thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,_

_risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body._

_I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where._

_I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;_

_so I love you because I know no other way_

_than this: where I does not exist, nor you,_

_so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,_

_so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep._

_Pablo Neruda_

_

* * *

  
_

The light filtered through the shoji rice paper softly illuminated the room and the young woman inside it. The yards of red silk of her kimono made her skin appear almost snow white and contrasted with her jet-black hair beautifully. Another woman stud behind hair finishing decorating said hair with a jewelled dragonfly.

-"You look beautiful, Kaoru-chan"- it was not every day that Megumi used such a sweet way of addressing to her. It only showed how important the day was, for Kaoru, and for everyone else. Yes, today was a special day for all the Kenshin-gumi, and everyone was present, even Sano had preferred to risk being captured by the police than to miss this day. Himura Kenshin and Kamiya Kaoru's wedding was that important: the perfect ending. The happily ever after that all in their strange group of friends have been waiting for. But the princess of this particular fairy tale was not following the scrip. No smile illuminated her face. No happy spark shinned in her bluer than blue eyes. No roses tinted her cheeks.

No one particularly noticed these signs. Human nature is such that we tend to see only what we want to see. So the wedding's preparations continued—flowers, incense, the frantic search for a particular sandal or ribbon—with no regard to a particular sigh that escaped the strawberry mouth of the bride. It sounded... almost sad. No one heard it, or pretended not to.

-"Arigato, Megumi-san"-another sigh left her, and an unfathomable look came into her eyes.-"You love him"-it wasn't a question.

-"I'll always feel great tenderness and respect for Ken-san"-Megumi's voice was soft and sincere-" But I knew, we all knew, from the beginning that you two belong together"- a soft smile graced the doctor's face-"you're soul mates"

-"You once told me that I could never replace Tomoe-san"-Kaoru continued, her eyes with that strange look fixed at something just outside Megumi's view.

-"And you can't"-her hand came to rest on a deceivingly delicate-looking shoulder-"You are not supposed to. You are not his past, but his present and future. That's what I meant Tanuki"

-"Yes, his future, his soul mate. Sometimes I wonder ..."-Kaoru's voice took over that bizarre distant quality that made her sound as she wasn't in the same room with her anymore-"I wonder what life would have been for all of us if Tomoe-san had lived"

-"Well, for starters you wouldn't be marring him today"-Megumi answered with a raised eyebrow. For the life of her, she could never predict the Takuni's mood changes or logic.

-"He would have been happy today"-and almost as an afterthought she added in a whisper-"Enishi's life would have been different"-If Megumi heard that last part she didn't acknowledge it

-"Kenshin loves you, you silly Tanuki. You make him happy"-The fox-lady thought she was getting close to the source of this estrange conversation, Kaoru's old fear of abandonment or not being enough for Kenshin. She couldn't have been farther from the truth.

-"I known"-_that's the problem_ she finished the sentence in her head.

–"Oi, Megumi-san. The rooster just hurt his hand again fixing the stairs"- come the dulcet tones of one Yahiko Myojin

-"That Tori-atama is a moron. I'll be back in a while, don't move or you'll ruin your makeup and hair"

-"Sure"

After Megumi left, Kaoru went towards the wall that served her as a closet and graved a large box. Inside there was a beautiful white kimono with blue flowers. From inside the folds she took away a small shinning object. A gold earring with a dark violet jewel.

-"You know, I was looking for that"- the new voice was low and dangerous. For the first time that day Kaoru showed some of her old self at violently turning around to face the newcomer. Her eyes reflected a whole range of feelings too fast for anyone to figure them out.

-"Enishi"-the ragged whisper encompassed all that she felt for the handsome tall white-haired man. Lust, anger, tenderness and a hint of obsession shinned in his eyes. His steps were sure and soundless as he walked towards her. He didn't stop until their chest where almost touching and she could feel his breath on her skin.

-"So this is how you look on your wedding day"-His lips where hard on hers, everything about him was hard and sharp angles. His arms felt as steel on her waist. His hands, calloused and bruising on her breasts and bottom burn her skin so deliciously. She never felt freer than in his arms. Free to be as imperfect as she wanted. There was no role written down for her to follow, not ultimate expectations of a perfect fairy tale life to fulfil. There was only Kaoru. Only them, feeling what they felt, being who they were, no excuses. A shame that it couldn't last. –"How did you get here?"- she asked trying to make sense of the myriad of feelings assaulting her senses.

-"I walked"- he gave her a smirk and pulled her even closer so every part of their bodies was touching. She could feel the heat of his skin even through all the layers of clothes.

-"Mou, that's not what I meant Enishi!"- he laughed at her hissed reprimand

-"You really think that the Battoussai and his league of idiotic friends would keep me away?"

-"No"-No, she knew that if he really wanted to do something, it would take close to an army to stop him, and even then, he'll still try. They were very much alike in that respect.-"but it doesn't matter. You have to go"

-"No, we have to go"- he kissed her again and she felt like her heart was on her throat –"You may want to take off the dress though. As pretty as you look with it, I reckon you'll find it hard to climb walls in"

-"Enishi, I ca-

-"No, listen to me!"- He cut her off and grabbed her face on his hands-"I never planned to fall in love with you. You were supposed to be only a pawn of my revenge, but somehow between you cooking those awful meals for me-

-"Hey! Mou!"

-"and arguing over all and nothing I fell. I fell hard"- He continued with a smile-"I should have know the first time I saw through you that mist and when you challenged me"-He was giving her that look now, full of tenderness and something akin awe-"you were like nothing I could ever imagine"

-"Enishi"- what do you say to something like that? The truth: -"you were nothing like I imagine either"

He barked a laugh-"you drove me insane. I couldn't understand what Battousai saw on you. You were nothing like my sister. You were loud, violent, and opinionated. Where were your calm and lady-like qualities?"-his thumb went to her brow trying to soften her deep frown-"but I couldn't stop thinking about you. You were honest, beautiful, brave and strong. And suddenly I started to hate Battoussai for the faith you had on him, hell, I wanted to be him so you would love me"

She could feel the tears on her eyes about to fall. This man turned her world upside down. He was everything she wasn't supposed to want, but, God, she wanted him more than anything. He was unstable, possessive to the point of obsession, and tab insane, but he was also passionate, loyal and dazzling.

-"The first time I kissed you I was so mad. You were looking out at the sea, thinking of him and I just snapped"

-"I remember, I punched you on the nose"-she caressed the slight bump-"and then I kissed you three days after"- that pretty much summed up their relationship; they couldn't stay away from each other. If he hadn't been so in shock about his revelation about his sister, he would have never allow her to leave him that day on the beach, of that she was sure. And if she hadn't been surrounded by her friends that just spent months thinking her death and that needed her she would have stayed.

-"Those days after that second kiss were... they felt-

-"Like breathing again after a long time of no air"

-"Come with me"- another kiss that left them gasping-"you don't really want to spend your life pleasing a bunch people by marrying that shrimp"

-"They are my friends, I love them. And Kenshin is no shrimp! He is a good, honourable man."- his eyes flashed. Yes, Kenshin was a good man, but so was Aoshi, Sano and hundreds of other men. Honour and goodness couldn't be the whole base of a marriage.

-"You are not in love with him! It would kill something inside you to stay here while he goes wandering to repent of his sins. You know he'll do it too! If he is so good and honourable he would have never had put you in danger by staying!"

-"ha, and life with you would be oh, so safe"-as always her first response when being attacked, defence attack. Life would be so much simpler if she could just follow the script that her life seemed to throw at her. But no, she had to fall for the evil sorcerer.

-"No, but I won't leave you, ever. I would never take the chance to leave you defenceless while I went to help complete strangers."-He grabbed her chin between thumb and index –"I don't give a damn about anyone else but you"-her eyes met his and she was trapped. She knows it's true, Enishi would never leave her. The only reason that it took him two months to get here it's that he had to go to visit Tomoe's tomb to lie down some ghosts, all the while avoiding the police. –"Come with me. You know it's what you really want"- what she really wanted, God, she hasn't done what she really wanted in so long.

* * *

A half an hour later and many bandages and curse words after, Megumi opened the shoji to Kaoru's room.-"Ok, Tanuki. Let's make sure the makeup it's still up"- still reeling over the moronic antics of the Tori-atama, it took Megumi a moment to realize that the room was empty and another to notice the wedding kimono neatly folded resting on the floor with a note on top. A carefree laugh could be heard from far away.


	2. alternative ending

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and the poem used is titled Sonatina by Ruben Dario. The original text in Spanish can be found at http:// es. wikisource. org/ wiki/ Sonatina .

N/A: I decided that I didn't like the ending that much, so I wrote another one. Just ignore the last three lines of the story. Alas, I'm not sure about this ending either… let me know what you think.

_Between the shadows and the soul_

_Alternative Ending & Epilogue_

_The princess is sad . . . from the princess slips  
such sighs in her words from the strawberry lips.  
Gone from them laughter and the warm light of day.  
Pallid she is sat in her golden chair;  
unsounded the keys of the harpsichord there,  
and a flower, from a vase, has swooned away._

***

A half an hour later and many bandages and curse words after, Megumi opened the shoji to Kaoru's room.-"Ok, Tanuki. Let's make sure the makeup it's still up"- still reeling over the moronic antics of the Tori-atama, it took Megumi a moment to realize that Kaoru was not in the room. "Kaoru?"

"Here" the shoji to the veranda opens and closes and the bride is there. "I needed some air"

"You ruined your make-up" she notices the tear streaks running on her face "Come here. I'll fix it quickly. The ceremony is about to start"

"Aa, of course" she comes into the room and sits in front of the lady doctor

"Why were you crying anyways, Tanuki. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life" Kohl, were did she put the kohl?

"You know me, Megumi-san. I get too something and I cry"

"Mmhh"

***

_The peacocks in the garden parade their tails.  
The duenna's chatter is incessant and stales.  
The pirouetting jester is tricked out in red,  
yet nothing she cares for and she does not smile  
but follows a dragonfly that flits the while  
as vague in the east as is her dream-lost head._

***

"Oh! What a pretty baby!" the lady with the parasol cooed to Kaoru's bundle. "Isn't he the prettiest baby you have ever seen Naoko?" by now the kendo instructor was used to this. Strangers seemed to have a strange fascination with Taro. She smiled proudly if with a touch of sadness.

"He certainly is. Look at those eyes! Just like his mother's" she smiled goofily to the kid.

"Naoko, you're getting blind in your old age. Her mother's eyes are blue, his are turquoise, woman"

"That's blue too"

"No, it's not"

In their argument neither noticed how the young mother stiffed.

***

_Does a prince from China or Golconda approach,  
does she think of one stepping from his silver coach,  
bedazzled by her beauty in the sky's soft blues,  
to court her with islands of fragrant roses,  
shower bright diamonds as a sovereign disposes,  
or proud owners of pearls do, out of Ormuz?_

***

"So, alone once again, eh?" the voice was sarcastic and cold. Just like the first time she heard it.

"I'm not alone" she looked pointedly to the baby asleep in her arms and Taro playing on the yard.

"That won't last though. Kids grow and they leave" his eyes followed the movements of the child on the yard and then turned to her. "You have weak blood, you know"

"What do you mean?" she drank on his presence. Her hands itched to touch him so she fingered a red tendril on Kenji's head.

"Neither takes after you" the look in his eyes was unreadable.

Before she can respond to that, her oldest son approaches them with a cautious look on his eyes. "Kaa-san, who is this?" She brings him closer and starts to clean his cheek.

"I'm an old friend of your mother" he smiles at the suspicion he reads on the boy "I'm Hamada Takeshi" he takes a little ball out of his tunic and gives it to the dark haired boy "Here" Taro looks at her mom questionably and when she nods, he takes the ball.

"Arigatou, Hamada-san" he lingers a little but then the allure of playing with his new toy it's too much to resist.

"Hamada Takeshi?" she arches an eyebrow

"It sounded good" he shrugs

"I miss your hair white" she says because she doesn't know what else to say. They don't exactly cover these situations in kendo classes. And it's true; she misses him. "Although the black doesn't look bad"

"It doesn't call as much attention" he smiles a crooked smile that's like her own. Not really a smile, too sad for that, too brittle. "When you're living this close to the enemy it pays to be inconspicuous"

"That's new" she should be telling him away. Instead she scoots a little closer. Moth to flame, much. But he does the same.

"Sometimes you take what you can" his hand goes up to tuck a tendril of hair behind her ear. He lingers on her cheek. She places a kiss on his fingers. Right or wrong doesn't really matter anymore.

***

_Ah, the poor princess, with that mouth of roses,  
thinks of butterfly and swallow, but supposes  
how easily with wings she would soar up under  
the bright ladders brought down from the sunlit day.  
With lillies she would meet the fresh songs of May,  
and be one with the wind in the ocean's thunder._

***

It's snowing. Big fluffy flakes float down on the night sky. Some hover their way to the open door; they melt on her hand.

"Koishi, you'll freeze to death if you don't close that" a slim hand touches her shoulder, and red covers her vision when he walks in front of her.

"I just like the view, I guess" he smiles at her tenderly.

"I know that you are upset because I have to leave soon, but I will be back soon too" his hand on her shoulder is almost ephemeral; she can barely feel it. Lately, she feels like she is encased on plaster, dense and permanent.

"Are you happy, Kenshin? Do I make you happy?"

"Of course, Koishi." A kiss on her cheek. She can't tell if it's soft or not. "You make me really happy" She notices how his scar still marks his cheek. "I love you"

"I love you too" and she does. Everything would be so much easier if she didn't.

***

_Listless in the palace spins the spinning wheel;  
in the magical falcon and jester no appeal.  
The swans are as one in the lake's azure swoon.  
From west come the dahlias for the first in court,  
from east the sad jasmines, south roses of thought,  
from north the waterlillies, weeping from noon._

***

He touches her, and she falls apart. Her skin burns. His heart beats a fast tempo on her hand. Callused hands tear fabrics away in their hunger for soft silky skin. Wet mouths and harsh breaths clash and merge. All mingles in a cloud of lust and something deeper. His real name leaves her throat raw. Her name is a litany on his oh so sensual lips. And for a few stolen moments, they live.

***

_Her blue eyes see nothing but sad misrule:  
into gold she is set and beset by tulle.  
Days are poured out as from a heavy flagon,  
haughtily they watch now over palace floors;  
silent with the halberds are a hundred Moors,  
sleepless the greyhound, and a colossal dragon._

***

"Kaa-san," she looks up at him and smiles that sad smile of hers, "there is a letter from Megumi-san." She moves her shinai to her left hand to take the letter. "There is also another from Kenji restating how he will surpass the 'Legendary Battousai Himura' with his own version of the Hiten Mitsurugi-ryu and win the right of owning the Sakabato"

"So the kid has goals, eh?"

"More like delusions" Taro didn't like tall, dark and crazy over there, but he liked his 'otousan' even less. At least Hamada was always here with Kaa-san. If it weren't for Kenji, he wouldn't even remember how Himura Kenshin looked like most of the time.

"Megumi-san says that she won't be able to make it here this summer, that maybe she'll come next year. Oh, and she sends her regards to you and Kenji" she continues to look at the short letter long after they know she is done reading it.

"Am I to assume that you would be staying for supper, Hamada-san?"

"If no one else is having the pleasure of your mother's cooking" his tone is as always sarcastic and amused.

"Mou, are you complaining about my cooking again?" she looks up from her letter, and a comical frown replaces the sadness in her eyes. It's because of this that Taro tolerates Hamada's intrusion in their lives. "I'll have you know that Tsubame-chan said that my misou soup was like nothing she ever tasted before, so there!" Hands on her hips, fire in her eyes, he could count on his hands the times he has seen his mother so alive, not acting, just being.

"And I'm sure she was being completely honest" he smirks at her indignation. "Kaoru, pet, cooking is just not one of your talents."

"Mou, fine. Then don't eat!" and with that she turns around and stomps her way to the kitchen, letter forgotten. The three of them knew very well that no one else was coming to dinner; no one ever come anymore. Mother didn't say so, but Taro knew how much that hurt her. Hamada picks up the letter and puts it in his pocket.

"Come on, kiddo. Courage and iron stomachs will see us through tonight" they follow her, both painfully aware of the similarity of their gait and the chasm born of things left unsaid.

***

_Oh, to find freshness of the butterfly's veil:  
(The princess is sad. The princess is pale.)  
Be silent as ivory, rose-coloured and gold!  
Where will he fly to, the prince she had!  
The princess is pale. The princess is sad,  
more brilliant than the dawn is, a hundred fold._

***

"Kenshin! You're back!" while there is honest joy at his return in her eyes, he can't help but notice the sadness in them too or the stiffness of her hug.

"Koishi, I missed you" even now, with her hand in his, he still misses her.

"That's what happens when you're away for so long, Ottousan" Taro nods at him. Turquoise eyes hard and mouth so grim he wonders if the kid would bite him.

"Taro!" his mother reprimands him with hands on her hip. Suddenly, she is seventeen again to Kenshin, screaming at Yahiko and smiling sweetly at him. He wants that again.

"It's the truth, Mother" Taro shrugs while Kaoru rolls her eyes. She doesn't notice the mar on his arm, and he is glad. One more day of illusions, that's all he wants, before, before the truth is given, or at least part of it.

"Maa, maa" he grabs both of them and takes to the kitchen. "So, what do you want for dinner? I'll cook, like in old times, ne Koishi?" so he cooks for them. It's a shame that Keiji is not there, but then again maybe it is better this way. His son hates him, and Taro does too. When they are done, he takes Kaoru to the river with the fireflies. It's only fitting, he guesses. He have been selfish long enough.

***

_Be patient, my princess: the horse has wings,  
for you he is coming, the fairy godmother sings.  
With a sword in the belt he has a hawk above,  
and a kiss to ignite you, to vanquish death:  
never has he seen you, but joyous the breath  
from the prince who awakes you: you will be his love._

***

"What are you thinking, pet?" they are both looking at the stars above. The wind is cool against their naked skin.

"How strange life is" her hand makes little circles on his chest. "How much I hurt people by not wanting to hurt them. How blessed and undeserving I feel right now"

He kisses her brown and looks at her eyes "Pet, you were dealt an impossible hand. A redeemed killer asking you to give him something to live for, a misfit group putting their happiness on your shoulders, and a not so redeemed crime lord asking you to save him and leaving everything you knew behind. You did the best you could."

"Enishi" His cheek is soft under her hands, and there is a certain peace in his eyes that used to be so hunted. Life has been so hard to her in some ways and far too good in others.

"Do I wish you would have run away with me that day? Hell yes. Then again if you had, we wouldn't have the pleasure of knowing that menace of Kenji. I like the kid, even if he looks like a shrunken shrimp." She rolls her eyes, and he smiles at her. "All that matters pet is that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. Who cares how we got here?"


End file.
